Horizon
by ArtistHeart
Summary: Kate's death shatteres Neal's world. His recovery from this traumatic event takes a toll on his mental and physical health. With the love and devotion of his friends, he is able to bounce back. This is my well written take on what happened between seasons one and two. I MADE A MISTAKE WHEN I FIRST POSTED. RE-READ TO CAPTURE THE FULL ESSENCE OF THE STORY. Hurt/Comfort/Friendship
1. Chapter 1: Eternity

Chapter 1: Eternity

Neal smiled at his friend after one final embrace, and began walking toward Kate. Though he would miss Peter, he knew that he was destined to spend the rest of his life with the woman of his dreams, and turning from everything to make that happen was a small price to pay. With a new-found confidence and purpose, his steps sped up and a broad smile stretched over his face. Then everything changed.

As if in slow motion, a bright light emerged from the center of the plane, like a blood-colored sunrise making its way over a dark hill. With the light came a crack louder than thunder, deafening Neal. The tumultuous and rising colors of the explosion both lit up his eyes, and drained the internal light from them, devouring every ounce of hope and joy that he had so recently possessed. From his throat came a blood-curdling scream as he watched his beautiful Kate disappear into the abyss of flames.

He felt strong arms wrap around him as he attempted to lunge forward toward the exploding plane. He let out another cry of desperation and tried with all of his might to escape Peter's embrace. He knew it was over, but he couldn't accept it….He wouldn't accept it. But try as he might, he could not stifle the rising sense of hopelessness that began to overtake him. He sank to the ground, his body racking with thick sobs as he watched the smoke rise and the ashes slowly float to the ground. The feeble remains of the love of his life.

Peter's embrace tightened around Neal's trembling body. Not knowing what else to do in this moment of pure anguish, Peter just held his friend. Words evaded him, and for what seemed like eternity he sat listening to Neal's desperate sobs until help arrived.

~I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter of my first-ever fan fiction story! Please leave me reviews. I would love your feedback and encouragement.~


	2. Chapter 2: Pretending

Chapter 2: Pretending

Neal splashed cold water over his face, and glanced up at the mirror. Who was this man staring back at him? It definitely wasn't the carefree con-man he knew himself to be. He had become unrecognizable to himself. It had been two weeks since Kate's death, and the reality of her being gone had just begun to sink in. And as it sank, so did Neal's heart. It felt as if his heart was being torn apart inside of his chest, and all he wanted to do was rip it open to relieve the pressure pent up inside.

Today was the day he had planned on going back to work. Looking at this stranger in the mirror, however, made him question that decision. How could he face the world without the love of his life to cheer him on? It all seemed pointless and painful. Additionally, he doubted that he would even remember how to hold a simple conversation. The only words that had come out of his mouth since the explosion were a few short sentences to June. He hadn't answered any phone calls or knocks on his door. He had locked himself into solitary confinement, allowing the dark cloud of depression to overtake him. He was living in his own personal hell. At night he barely slept, and when he did he was tormented by horrible nightmares that made him re-live Kate's death over and over again. During the day he could barely function. Just when he thought he might have a chance of holding it together and facing the outside world, memories of the explosion would flicker through his mind and unravel him. How would he be able to hold it together at the office today? The last thing he wanted was for everyone to think he was weak…Maybe if he could just pretend to feel better, he actually would.

…

A few hours later, Neal came waltzing into the office wearing a snazzy suit—complete with a crookedly placed hat—and his million dollar smile. The workplace seemed to be just as he had left it. People talking quietly, sipping coffee, and working on cases. The usual buzz of quiet laughter and conversation brought a sense of familiarity to Neal, and that comforted him.

"Thank God Neal, you scared us half to death!" Peter caught sight of his friend and walked briskly toward him, the sound of relief thickening his voice. He gave him a short embrace which Neal returned with a hearty pat on the back. "We thought you were never gonna come out of that room. Are you okay?"

Neal took a moment to respond…He definitely wasn't okay…He shot Peter a fake, yet charming grin, "Yeah, I'm just glad to be back at work."

Peter studied his friend's face. Though Neal still wore the same sarcastically haughty smirk, there was something different about him. The spark was gone from his eyes, and seemed to be replaced by a dull sense of sadness. He returned Neal's smile with his own, and clapped him on the shoulder. "Well, we're definitely glad to have you back."

Peter lead the way further into the building and Neal could feel the stares on the back of his neck as he passed. Crippling stares. He knew exactly what everyone was thinking about; the very thing that he was trying to erase from his mind. He swallowed hard as he looked around. The moment his eyes met someone else's they turned away, embarrassed to have been caught staring. Neal, being the con-man that he was, found it rather easy to put on his usual charming smile…And it seemed to put everyone at ease.

Once they reached their destination, Peter gathered a stack of papers from his desk and held them out to Neal. "I need you to go over these possible forgeries and let me know which ones are fake and which ones are real. I've been waiting for you to come back and do this for me."

Neal's brow furrowed and he gave Peter a look, "Come on Peter..No you haven't. This is just you trying to trick me into busy work."

Peter sighed, "Look Neal..I just want you to relax for a few days. I'm glad to have you back but I don't think it's a good idea for you to return to the field just yet. I don't think you should be put under excessive amounts of stress for a while."

Neal was about to argue, but quickly stopped himself. He knew for a fact that Peter was right. He was just settling in to the idea of being out in public, let alone a stressful situation where one mistake could threaten the lives of his comrades. Without saying anything, Neal reached out and took the papers from Peter and walked to his own desk. He tried so hard to concentrate on the task at hand, but no matter how many times his eyes scanned over the possible forgeries, he couldn't process the information. He sat there for a few hours struggling to make connections, and then it hit him.

It hit him square in the chest. A memory. A plane. A light. A crack. Her face. Her eyes. His heart. His heart. His heart. He doubled over the desk he was sitting at, trying with everything in his power not to vomit. He sat still for a moment, blinking his eyes in attempts to erase the pictures from his mind. But they played on and on, a slideshow of terror and misery. His mind transported him back to the moment when he lost everything. He could see the plane, hear her screams for help, and smell the poisonous smoke filling his burning lungs.

He felt as if the air had been sucked from the room, and he struggled to take a breath. He lifted a trembling hand to his heart, which was pounding so violently against his chest that it was painful. In attempts to stop his hands from shaking, he clasped them together and brought them to his forehead. The last thing he wanted to do here was make a scene. As he painfully attempted at long and steady breaths, his shoulders began to shake. Just as he was about to stand up to get a drink of water, He felt a hand on his back.

"Neal, it's gonna be alright. Why don't I take you out for some breakfast?" The voice belonged to Peter.

Neal immediately flinched away from Peter's touch and turned his head to look up at him. "I'm fine peter, it's just a little chilly in here. I'm gonna take a walk outside to warm up." He slowly rose from his chair and began to walk away.

"Neal stop." The sternness in Peter's voice brought Neal to a halt, but he didn't turn around. "I know you've been going through a lot lately. You need to talk to someone about it."

Neal turned to look at Peter. "Actually, Peter, I don't need to do anything. And I'm feeling just fine. Stop worrying about me."

And with that, he stormed off. Peter watched as Neal walked briskly out of the building and sighed. Neal certainly had this whole con-man thing down.

~I hope you enjoyed the second chapter of my first-ever fan fiction story. Please leave reviews! I need to know if I should keep writing!~


	3. Chapter 3: Nightmares

Chapter 3: Nightmares

Peter took a sip of wine, and gently put the glass down on the placemat as he looked up at his beautiful wife. He was so lucky to have her…What if it had been her on that plane? He was so glad it hadn't been…still his heart ached for his friend. Peter wished he knew some way to help Neal through his torment.

"Hey," Elizabeth's voice broke through Peter's thoughts. "You okay honey? You're awfully quiet tonight."

Peter smiled, "Yeah I'm fine. It's Neal I'm worried about. Something's up with him. I tried talking to him about it. The scary part is that he lied to my face and said he was fine. I don't know what to do babe."

El gave a sympathetic glance and reached across the table for her husband's hand. "Well, I hope he knows how much you care about him. That alone should make him feel a little better. Maybe you should talk with him again, have a heart to heart. Show him you care and maybe he'll open up to you."

Peter studied his wife's eyes. So full of hope and love. "Well, I'm not sure he's gonna go for that. I guess we'll have to take it one day at a time. I'm gonna keep an extra close eye on him for a while. I'm just glad he finally had the chance to get out of the house."

They finished their dinner in silence, both of them contemplating very hard about how they could get through to their beloved friend.

…

Neal was screaming. "Kate! Kate!" Her hand slipped out of his. He tried as hard as he could to hold on to her, but it wasn't enough. He watched her explode into a million little pieces all over again. "Kate! No! Please don't leave me! KATE."

Finally he woke up. From darkness to darkness. He opened his eyes and he couldn't see anything…Kate's face still in the back of his mind, her hand slipping out of his.

He clenched his teeth around the corner of his pillow in attempts to stifle the uncontrollable sobs that shook his body to the core. He clenched the pillow with all of his might, wishing it was Kate he was holding. Sweat dripped down his bare shoulders and pooled at the small of his back. His whole body trembled violently, his sobs so thick that they caused sharp pains in his stomach. All he could do was cry. There was nothing left for him. No hope, no joy, no future. It was all black, all darkness, all uncertain. He couldn't handle it. He had nothing left to live for. Nothing left. Just nightmares.


	4. Chapter 4: Abyss

Chapter 4: Abyss

Neal awoke to the blaring sound of his alarm. As if rising from the dead, he slowly sat up in bed. His head was pounding and his vision blurry. It felt as though a train had hit him the night before, and he was starting to wish it had. His daily routines were becoming harder and harder to perform. He had been back at the office for almost a week and still nobody had the slightest clue about the emotional turmoil he was facing..well everyone except Peter.

Peter always had a way of knowing when Neal was hiding something. Maybe it was because he was highly skilled in interpersonal relations for the FBI, but Neal knew deep down that wasn't the case. Peter knew when Neal was hiding something because he knew Neal. Peter was the closest thing Neal had to family, and it showed. Somehow, Neal had managed to avoid his struggle as a topic of conversation with Peter throughout the week, but as of late, he wasn't sure he wanted to anymore. Maybe it would be good to talk about it, to put all of his thoughts and feelings out on the table in hopes of making some sense of it all. Gaining the confidence to strike up a conversation about it, however, went against everything he believed himself to be. He was a grown man..He shouldn't be getting all wishy-washy in front of people, even people as close to him as Peter.

The thoughts flooding his head were only making his headache worse. He showered and pulled on a fresh suit. Just as he was finishing up his hair, he heard a knock on the door. To his pleasure, his eyes met with June's as he opened the door. He loved June like a mother. Having her around made him feel safe.

"Well, don't you look handsome this morning dear." Junes sweet voice and flattering compliments always brought a smile to Neal's face.

"Thank you June. You look beautiful as always." Neal leaned against the door frame as they talked. "What brings you to my door step this morning?"

"Well, actually I came to say goodbye." June studied Neal's face. He looked surprised. "I'm going to visit my sister for a few weeks, remember?"

Neal's heart sank. He had completely forgotten about June going out of town. "Of course I remember! I hope you have a great trip. I'm going to miss you."

June looked at him…She worried about him lately. "Are you gonna be okay all alone?"

"Absolutely," Neal tried to sound reassuring. When June didn't look convinced, he added "Don't you worry about me. I'll be a phone call away and you can check up on me every now and then. Deal?"

"Alright…Sounds good." She wrapped Neal up in a warm embrace. "I'm gonna miss you! Stay out of trouble."

And with that, she was gone. What was he going to do without June around? Even though he hadn't told her about his nightmares, at least he always had the option of asking her to be with him when he felt he was at his darkest point. With her leaving, he felt like he had no lifeline, and that scared him. Neal slowly closed the door, and raised a shaky hand to his temple. His head was pounding even harder than it was when he woke up, and he was beginning to feel nauseous.

He decided not to go in to work. He called Peter to let him know, and after hanging up the phone he threw on a pair pajamas and flopped down onto his mattress. Maybe he just needed some extra rest. Resting apparently wasn't on his body's agenda, however. Throughout the day, his "rest" consisted of multiple terrifying nightmares. His mind wouldn't allow him an ounce of the peaceful sleep his aching body demanded. He woke up from one nightmare, and fell right back asleep into the next one. It was like an endless cycle of death, and try as he might, Neal could not escape it. This was the worst day he had experienced since Kate's death. It was as if every pent up emotion and thought was attacking his brain and falling on top of him all at once, crushing his soul and body.

After waking up from yet another earth shattering nightmare, Neal decided to access his last resort…Peter. He looked at the clock; 11:45 pm. Despite the fact that Peter was probably asleep by now, he picked up his phone with a trembling hand and dialed Peter's phone number. Ring…..Ring…..Ring…..Nothing. Neal dialed and waited, dialed and waited, dialed and waited. After his seventh desperate attempt at contacting him, he decided to take a taxi to Peter's house. He couldn't be alone. He would die if he had to be alone with his mind for one more agonizing second.

Neal called a cab and stumbled down the stairs, struggling to take steps. His head was killing him and his body felt weak and cramped. He needed help. After a bumpy ride in the smelly yellow taxi, he finally stepped out onto Peter's driveway. Neal had almost decided to turn around and get back into the cab, when he realized that it was already driving away. Nervousness rose up inside of his chest. _I'm such a child. What am I doing here at midnight? They have their own problems, they don't need to deal with my pitiful life as well…I don't really want to wake them up._ After a long battle with his thoughts, Neal finally mustered up the courage to walk up to the door and press his finger against the yellow doorbell.

Satchmo immediately began to bark. If the doorbell hadn't woken them up, Satchmo's barking would surely do the trick. Waiting for them to answer the door seemed like forever for Neal's aching legs. He felt so dizzy. He leaned against the porch fence to support himself. Finally, the front door creaked open revealing Peter's tired face.

"Neal?" Peter blinked a few times as he switched the porch light on. Neal's eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot, and his face was ghostly white.

"Peter I…" Neal's voice broke. "I had nowhere else to go.." Before he could say more, a cramp pushed on his stomach and he keeled over, vomiting on the sidewalk.

Peter ran to Neal's side, placed a hand under his arm, and pulled him up. "Come on, let's get you into the house."

Elizabeth emerged from the upstairs hallway. As she peered down at the two men walking into the living room, she let out a heavy gasp. "Oh my gosh, Peter is he okay?" She ran quickly down the steps.

After carefully examining Neal, helping him get down some headache medicine, and leading him upstairs to the guest room, Peter and El headed back to their own bedroom and went to sleep. Neal, on the other hand, lay awake…Terrified of the thick darkness surrounding him. Terrified of the pain that awaited him should he close his eyes and fall out of consciousness. Terrified that Peter and Elizabeth would see him for what he really was; weak.

…

Try as she might, Elizabeth could not fall back asleep. All she could see was the hopelessness in Neal's eyes, and all she could think about was how hard he was trying to cover it up. She looked over at Peter. The sound of his steady breath annoyed her. That man could sleep like a rock through any situation, and she was jealous. After about an hour of tossing and turning, she decided to go downstairs to get some hot tea. Just as she reached the top of the stairs and lifted her foot to step down, a strange sound stopped her dead in her tracks. It was Neal. He was crying. She slowly crept over to the guest room and placed an ear against the wooden door. She winced at the sound of his sobs. Her heart sank…After a minute of contemplating, she decided to slowly crack open the door and step into the room.

Neal's scull felt as if it was being slowly crushed, and every muscle in his body was tense and cramped. With every sob came an agonizingly brutal stabbing pain in his stomach. The physical pain he was experiencing was too much to bear, but he was sure the emotional pain was the very thing that would kill him.

"Neal honey," Elizabeth's voice startled him. He jumped a little, then buried his face deeper into the pillow. His shoulders shook violently as his sobbing continued. "Neal, what can I do to help?" Her voice was filled with worry. She placed a hand on his back and rubbed it as she would a child's.

Neal couldn't speak. _It's all my fault Elizabeth. Kate is dead because of me. If I had been on the plane with her, I would have suspected something was wrong. She would still be here. But now it's just me. I hate myself, and what I've done. I hate what I've become. I hate living in this hell. Make the pain stop. Please, my head hurts so badly. My stomach feels like it's exploding. Please, please help me. I'm begging you. I need you to help me._ His thoughts remained inside his head. All he could do was weep. Weep for Kate, weep for himself, weep for his all-consuming fear, weep for his painful agony. The remainder of the night was passed by Elizabeth gently stroking the hair from Neal's sweaty forehead as he, unable to communicate his pain and torment, sobbed into the pillow until the dark abyss of nighttime vanished with the rising sun.


	5. Chapter 5: Horizon

Neal was thankful to have friends like Elizabeth and Peter. He finally admitted to himself that they weren't just friends to him; they were family. He couldn't think of anyone else in his life that he had ever really opened himself up to. As a conman, he had a certain reputation to uphold. And he was so good at upholding it that, to the world around him, he had become nothing more than the guy who could con himself into getting anything he desired. Little did they know that beneath the charming smile and indestructible demeanor, lived a human being capable of emotion and fallibility. This inner person had been stifled within Neal for so long that he barely noticed it existed anymore. After the explosion it was as if this hidden soul came seeping out of his pores, and the only people who finally got to see it were the ones who would never dare abuse him because of it. To him, that was beautiful.

For the remainder of the week, Neal stayed at the Burke's house. Elizabeth was always there when he needed comfort, and Peter was there when he needed someone to talk to. He shadowed Peter on a case all week, observing and re-acquainting his mind with the rigor of the field. After a particularly long day, Peter finally closed the case. As they drove home for the night, Neal asked if they could take a detour to the water. He wanted a breath of fresh air. Peter acquiesced, and pulled his car into a small parking space. They got out and leisurely walked along the crooked pathway. They stopped at a particularly beautiful view of the sun setting over the gently rippling water, and sat down on a bench. Peter glanced over at Neal; he was smiling.

"Now that's something I haven't seen in a while!" Peter exclaimed, happy to see the light back in Neal's eyes. "What's the occasion?"

Neal took a deep breath of fresh air. Bright hues of pink, red, and orange danced in his eyes. "I don't know. I just think that if Kate were here, she would really love this sunset. And that makes me happy."

Peter placed a hand on his friend's shoulder, "She's with us, you know. She will always be a part of you, and you'll become a better man because of it."

Neal nodded silently. The sunset was falling swiftly down behind the edge of the lake, causing a glorious array of colors to reflect off of the body of water and light up everything around it. He finally felt like he could rest, and simply remember Kate. He had his whole life ahead of him, and he knew that he needed to live it for the sake of preserving her memory. Kate was like a sunset now. Her pure and ravishing beauty had turned to the blackest of darknesses, but just as the setting sun always rises again, so did she. She rose back into Neal's life as a positive force to give him hope through the darkest of nights. He knew he would be okay. Neal and Peter watched in awe as the glorious rays of light vanished behind the vast horizon.

The End

OKAY I AM SO SORRY EVERYONE THERE WAS A MESS UP IN MY STORY THAT I JUST UPDATED. Please go back and read it! I skipped an entire chapter. Go back and read chapter three and the story will be more complete.

-Also, please review my story now that I have fixed it, and let me know what you would like to see more of.-


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